Why "Sleeping When the Baby Sleeps" Isn’t Always Practical (And What You Can Do Instead)

One of the most frequently shared pieces of advice for new parents is, "Sleep when the baby sleeps." While this guidance is well-intentioned, the reality is far more nuanced. With erratic newborn sleep cycles, persistent postpartum insomnia, and an ever-growing list of responsibilities, achieving meaningful rest can feel nearly impossible.

So how can exhausted parents find opportunities to rest and recharge?

In this post, I’ll share some strategies that helped me navigate those challenging early months.

Three Reasons This Popular Sleep Tip Doesn’t Always Work

1. Newborns Sleep on Their Own Schedule

   Newborns sleep in unpredictable patterns; sometimes for just 20 minutes, other times for a couple of hours. Since their sleep isn’t consistent, it’s tough for parents to plan their own rest. By the time you finally lie down, they might already be stirring!

2. Falling Asleep Isn’t Always Easy

   Even when the chance to sleep presents itself, many parents struggle with postpartum insomnia. The mix of changing hormones, heightened alertness, and the anxiety of caring for a newborn can make it difficult to wind down and actually fall asleep.

3. There’s Always Something That Needs to Be Done

   Dishes pile up, laundry never ends, and if you have older children, nap time might be the only opportunity to take care of them. For many parents, baby naps become the only time to catch up on life rather than sleep.

But Can We Talk About the Pressure?

Even when I had the opportunity to rest, I couldn’t always take it. I’d close my eyes only to be hit with a flood of thoughts. Did I order more diapers? Is that rash still there? When did I last drink water?

It’s not just physical exhaustion, it’s the mental weight of survival mode. You’re overstimulated, overtired, and constantly making decisions. And somewhere in the middle of it all, you're told to “just nap.”

If you’ve felt this way, you’re not alone. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just doing your best in a season that asks more of you than anyone truly prepares you for.

Finding Rest in Different Ways

1. Embrace Rest, Even If It’s Not Sleep

   Instead of stressing about getting actual sleep, focus on moments of rest. Lying down, practicing deep breathing, or simply closing your eyes for a few minutes can still help restore some energy.

2. Adjust Your Expectations

   In the early weeks, newborns may seem nocturnal because they haven’t yet established a clear distinction between day and night. Their tiny stomachs require frequent feedings, which naturally results in multiple nighttime wake-ups. Rather than aiming for full nights of sleep, try to find small windows of rest throughout the day. The newborn stage is temporary, and sleep patterns will improve over time. Until then, resting in short bursts can help replenish your energy.

3. Share the Load When Possible

   If you have a partner, family member, or close friend who can help, consider taking turns with nighttime feedings or other baby-related tasks. Even just a few uninterrupted hours of sleep can make a huge difference.

4. Embrace Rest, Even If It’s Not Sleep

   Instead of stressing about getting actual sleep, focus on moments of rest. Lying down, practicing deep breathing, or simply closing your eyes for a few minutes can still help restore some energy.

5. Let Go of the Pressure to Do It All

   Some days, the house might be messy, and that’s okay. Your baby won’t remember if the laundry wasn’t folded right away, but they will benefit from a well-rested parent. Give yourself permission to prioritize rest over perfection.

A Note on Safe Sleep Choices

In many Western cultures, especially in the U.S., crib sleeping has become the standard recommendation for infant sleep. Parents are often encouraged to place their babies alone, on their backs, in a crib or bassinet for every sleep, with no blankets, pillows, or stuffed animals. This practice is rooted in efforts to reduce the risk of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and has become the widely accepted “safe sleep” model promoted by organizations like the AAP.

But this isn’t the only way families have slept for generations.

Around the world, and for most of human history, mothers and babies have shared sleep; whether in the same bed, on a floor mat, or close by within arm’s reach. This practice, commonly known as co-sleeping or bedsharing, supports nighttime breastfeeding, regulation of baby’s body temperature, and increased maternal responsiveness.

While co-sleeping is often warned against in the U.S., it's important to recognize that there are ways to do it more safely. If you’re considering sharing sleep with your baby, or already are, knowing the Safe Sleep Seven can help reduce risks and make it a more informed choice.

What Is the Safe Sleep Seven?

Developed by La Leche League International, the Safe Sleep Seven outlines key criteria that help lower the risk of sleep-related dangers when bedsharing. This approach is specifically designed for breastfed babies and assumes that parents meet all of the following:

1. You are a non-smoker

2. You are sober and unimpaired (no alcohol, drugs, or drowsiness-inducing medications)

3. You are breastfeeding

4. Your baby is full-term and healthy

5. Your baby is placed on their back to sleep

6. Your baby is lightly dressed and not swaddled

7. You and baby are on a safe sleep surface (firm mattress, no heavy blankets or pillows, no gaps, and no other children or pets in the bed)

While no sleep situation is entirely without risk, these guidelines are based on extensive research and are intended to make bedsharing significantly safer for families who choose it.

Here’s the Bottom Line

I’m not here to tell you where or how your baby should sleep. I’m here to offer the information I’ve found helpful, so that you can make the best decision for you; one that’s safe, informed, and rooted in your unique family’s needs.

Whether you choose a crib, bassinet, bedside sleeper, or to co-sleep with caution and care, know that what matters most is keeping your baby safe and supporting your ability to rest, recover, and thrive.

Final Thoughts

While "sleep when the baby sleeps" might work for some, it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. By adjusting your expectations, asking for help when possible, and finding small ways to recharge, you can get through the newborn stage with a little more balance.

What has helped you manage sleep as a new parent? Let’s share and support each other in the comments below!